In this episode, we talk about why you tried to fix it, and why you can’t just listen and hold space. And how fixing it gets in the way of connection and safety.
Here are some of the highlights:
2 Reasons why you fix it:
1. You don’t like being uncomfortable. You don’t want to hang in there while your spouse is being vulnerable. She’s in pain but she wants you to just empathize with that.
2. You want to feel important. Your shame says you’re not good enough. And you want to show how awesome you are by letting your spouse feel that you have the “answers.”
What are the steps to take into play by a fixer
1. Be mindful of how you tried to fix. You can give straight advice, like do this or do that. You might try to lead somebody to some direction or give resources. Notice how you’re trying to fix it. What are you trying to do?
2. Check your own uncomfortableness. What are you afraid of? What emotions are you feeling from your spouse that you’re having a hard time with? Is it sadness? Try to identify the underlying emotion.
3. Communicate back to them that you’re there and you care. Learn how to communicate to your partner that says “I’m here for you,” “I hear you,” ”I see you” or “I can listen.”
There is a space where it’s good to fix it. Know more about it by watching the live podcast.
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I'm Brannon, and I'm an expert in treating sexual addiction, pornography addiction, and helping spouses heal from betrayal. I have over 10 years of experience helping couples, individuals and families heal from the devastating effects of addiction.
I'm an avid presenter and teacher. I know that recovery for an individual and a relationship is absolutely possible. I have both learned and developed tools that work. My greatest fulfillment in my work is helping couples in the depths of pain and despair, and walking them through the healing process.